SHOULD I DIVORCE?
In the words of Nelson Mandela “No marriage or friendship can be maintained without patience and tolerance.”
You should not divorce. You should find ways to make your relationship work.
“Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction” -Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
With Heart and Head: 6 Considerations for a Compassionate Separation.
1 |
You should both find a way to make things work, especially where there are children involved. There are plenty of marriage counsellors who can assist you to rebuild bridges. Talk things through. Try to keep channels of communication open, even if it is via a friend/family member/mediator/lawyer. The more constructively open and frank you are, the more likely you can iron out your differences. If your partner refuses to talk or to allow a third party to assist you to work things out, then that should be a big red flag to re-think remaining together. |
2 |
Are you able to keep arguments behind closed doors? For the sake of the children, many child psychologists assert that it is better to remain married for the sake of the children. |
3 |
What if the happiness of your partner, compromises your happiness, and there is no latitude? |
4 |
Have you become a spectator watching others live their lives, so that you exist, but you are not living the best version of your life? |
5 |
If you can no longer keep arguments behind closed doors, or else there is a continuous tension and negative atmosphere, these same child psychologists advise that it is better to divorce. Separation can sometimes help turn down the heat of an argument and allow some space to think more clearly. |
6 |
Points 2-5 should be indicators of something very wrong in a relationship and should be the focus of discussions with mediators and counsellors. |
If the issues between you are insurmountable and your marriage has irretrievably broken down, then perhaps you should divorce.
‘No fault’ divorces come into effect on 6th April 2022, which will hopefully make the divorce process a means to an end. It is no longer a gladiatorial contest as to whom is to blame.
Professor Rosen is a solicitor-advocate in practice and principal of David Rosen & Co. He specialises in family law, divorce and financial settlements. David is a member of Resolution, and the Society of Legal Scholars amongst others. He is a full academic Professor of Professional Practice at Brunel University Law School where he lectures one day each week.
